


Words Not Hollow

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Canon Conditional Character Death, Dark Side Ending, F/F, Femslash February, Jolee Bindo shows up for a hot minute, Post-Leviathan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: Revan tries to piece her identity together in secret after the revelation on the Leviathan, but Juhani tries to help.





	

Revan is careful in how she approaches Juhani.  She loves the other woman, deeply and passionately, and she doesn't want to lose her.  As much as Revan admires her dedication to the light, it unfortunately comes with a sense of loyalty to the Jedi Council.  That could prove to be problematic.  

She’s thinking it over in the engine room, tossing a rubber ball against the wall.  The thudding is comforting, particularly against the steady hum of the engines.  

“Luna?” Juhani’s voice comes from the doorway. 

Revan has to suppress a shudder at the name given to her by the Jedi Council.  They had actually given her the name ‘Arlunia’ and Luna was the nickname she picked for herself.  From the start, she had sensed the wrongness of her identity.  It's a soothing thought.  

“Juhani,” Revan says, smiling at her as she lets the ball fly by her.  “What's up?”

Juhani takes a few steps inside.  “I can feel your disquiet in the Force.  I thought you might want to talk.”

“It's been kind of a lot, recently,” Revan says.  “The whole, I'm not actually who I think I am thing is starting to set in.”

Juhani sits in front of her, cross legged.  “You are exactly who you think you are.  You’re Luna, the captivating woman that I have gotten to know these past few months.”

Revan presses her lips together.  “Except I have all these memories, buried somewhere that has nothing to do with being Luna.  And now, all this anger.”

Juhani raises her eyebrows.  “Revan’s anger?”

“No,” Revan says, shaking her head.  “Anger because what the Jedi Council did was wrong.  They wiped away a person.”

“What they did was… questionable, but what other choice did they have?” Juhani says.  

“Doesn't that sound very Sith to you?” Revan asks.  

Juhani looks troubled.  “They wanted to give Revan redemption.  A chance to serve the Light.  That’s honorable.”

The Jedi dogma is grating, but Revan doesn't let that show, on her face or in the Force.  She can't blame Juhani.  It’s alluring in its own way, the notion that if you just restrain yourself, you'll be Good and free from corruption or wrongdoing.  That serving the light means that you’ll never do anything wrong and even your inaction is always right, no matter what.  

“That's not redemption.  In the grove, you chose to return to the Jedi Order.  If I had knocked you out and wiped your mind, it wouldn't be the same,” Revan says.  “What they did made sure that Revan could never truly be redeemed.”

That gives Juhani pause.  Her discontent is palpable in the Force, and Revan is willing to let her stew in it.  She's certainly been stewing in it for a while.  

“After the war, I'm sure that the Jedi Council will have answers.  For now, Malak has to be stopped,” Juhani says with a slight waver in her voice. 

A memory flashes before Revan’s eyes, and unlike when she used to get the barest hints of memories, she doesn't flinch from it.  A young man greeting her with a wide smile.  He hands her a datapad, but she ignores it in favor of saying something that makes him laugh.  

Alek, before he became Darth Malak.  Her closest friend and confidante.  The thought of his inevitable death by her hand saddens her, which is a surprise, but doesn't weaken her resolve, which isn't.   

“Of course,” Revan agrees around the lump in her throat.  “He’s just… destroying.”

That seems to settle Juhani somewhat.  “Do you have any idea how he's managing to do it?”

“Not consciously. But there's something else,” Revan says, kneading her temples irritably.  “What he's doing is wrong somehow.”

Juhani leans forward, laying a tentative hand on her shoulder.   “Of course what he's doing is wrong.  He's destroyed planets.”

“I mean, this isn't what I- Revan- she intended.  She wanted to save the Republic,” Revan says.  “Malak just strives for conquest.  If I could just remember...”

“Luna, I do not think this is a good path.  The Force will bring us where we need to be, but if you recover too many of Revan’s memories, who knows what might happen to you?”  Juhani says, squeezing.  

It makes Revan want to laugh or scream.  She's finally herself!  She finally feels right!  The confusion that she’s felt for months is finally explained!  But she has to bottle it up and work through it in private because most of her companions won't understand and Malak needs to be stopped.  

“Let's spar,” Luna says, getting to her feet.  “I need to think a little less right now.”

Juhani looks relieved as she springs to her feet.  “Let's go.”

* * *

Block left parry right leave an opening to lure her in before jumping back because she knows this move because she knows every move.  

“I don't want to hurt you,” Revan calls out.  “I love you.  You know I love you.”

“Then how could you do this?” Juhani demands.  “How could you turn your back on the Order?”

Jolee is frozen behind Juhani, trapped in Revan’s Force stasis.  As she knows from experience, that means he can hear them, but not do anything.  

“Because I have to do what’s right!” Revan yells.  She kicks out, knocking Juhani down.  All she needs is to get Juhani’s attention.  “I am Revan and my loyalty is to the Republic and to its people.  Not the Jedi.”

“Listen to yourself!  You sound like a Sith,” Juhani says, getting to her feet.  “You want to destroy the Republic.”

“No!” Revan yells, louder this time.  “There’s something out there, Juhani.  The details are blurry in my head, but it’s coming to destroy us.  The Republic couldn’t stop the Mandalorians, and the Jedi were content to let billions die.  I couldn’t let that happen.  I won’t!  Help me.”

“I won’t betray the Jedi,” Juhani says.  

“They’ve betrayed you already.  Look at how they use people!  They’re corrupt; they’re…” Revan sighs, lowering her lightsabers.  “They used you.  They used Bastila.  They used me.  They’re not good, Juhani.”  

“I wasn’t used!” Juhani proclaims, advancing cautiously.  

“They sent you with a mindwiped Sith Lord.  If their concern was your wellbeing, or keeping you safe from corruption, why would they do that?  But it was more important to have you there as a reminder about falling to the dark side.  Your wellbeing wasn’t important to them and I’m sorry for that because you deserve better,” Revan says.  

Juhani stumbles back as if she’s been physically hit.  The sudden burst of chaotic feelings almost makes Revan regret saying it; she’s looked up to the Jedi for so long and they’re so important to her.  But it’s true, and Juhani needs to see it.  Sadly, there’s not enough time to do it gently.  

Revan takes the chance to kneel, clipping her lightsabers to her belt.  She looks up at Juhani beseechingly.  This is a calculated risk.  If she has calculated wrong, she’ll only have seconds to react lest she die.

“They sent Bastila to guard over a Sith Lord all by herself.  Nobody else knew and she had nobody to confide in.  Bastila is a good Jedi, but that is so much responsibility.  You know Bastila must have twisted herself into knots trying to figure out if I was remembering or not,” Revan says.  “It must have been so difficult for her.”

“I had assumed that you would be livid with Bastila, given that she attacked Revan and hid your identity from you,” Juhani says.

“I’m upset with her, but I pity her, too.  I saw how tightly they wound her because her skills are valuable.  Given time, I’ll forgive her.  It’s the Jedi Order that I can’t forgive.  They caused all of this,” Revan says with a heavy sigh.  “If you truly believe that I am your enemy, you can end this now.  But you know that what I say is true.  Join me, so we can save the galaxy and help people.”  

“But the Jedi,” Juhani doesn’t finish the sentence, her lightsaber lowering.  

“They spent years telling you to tamp down on your anger.  But your anger at the injustices in the galaxy are justified.  Your anger gives you the passion to change what’s unacceptable in the galaxy,” Revan says.  “How can they be good people if the sight of people being murdered or enslaved doesn’t make them angry?”

Juhani wavers for just a moment before switching her lightsaber off.  She crosses over to Revan, reaching a hand down to her.  

“Luna… I cannot excuse what the Jedi have done.  I will help you defeat Malak.  I will stand by your side no matter what comes,” Juhani says.  

Revan takes her hand, letting the other woman pull her to her feet.  She caresses her face tenderly.  

“We will save the Republic together,” Revan says.  “But call me Revan.  That's who I really am.”

“Of course, Revan,” Juhani says.  “What about Jolee?”

Revan waves her hand over him, releasing him from the Force status.  He nearly collapses with a gasp, but manages to remain upright.  His fingers tighten around his lightsaber as his gaze darts between the two of them. 

“You've heard what I said,” Revan says.  “You know how misguided the Jedi are.  Will you help me save the people of the Republic?” 

“I won't join with the dark side.  There's still time for both of you to turn back,” Jolee says. 

“If you won't join me, run.  If you stay out of my way, I'll let you live.  I have great respect for you,” Revan says.  “I have no desire to hurt you.”

“I won't stand idly by, either,” Jolee says, shaking his head.  “I'll give my life stopping you if I have to.”

“Then you have made your choice,” Juhani says, stepping away from Revan.   

The battle is quick and soon enough, Juhani stands victorious.  Her decisive action surprises Revan.  Just a few minutes ago, Juhani had been swearing allegiance to the Jedi, and now she's doing the worst sort of work they have to do: taking care of people who aren't bad, just suicidally misguided.  It's hardest when they used to be friends.  

“Such a waste,” Revan says, shaking her head.  “But you performed well.” 

“What now?” Juhani asks.  

“I can feel Bastila.  She’s here somewhere.  We give her a choice.  We give everyone a choice.  Then, we retake the Star Forge and kill Malak,” Revan says firmly.  

Juhani slides her hand into Revan’s, squeezing tightly.  “Thank you for showing me the light.” 

Revan runs her fingertips along Juhani's cheek tenderly.  “Of course.  Together, we are going to do so many wonderful things.”

“I know,” Juhani says.  “I know.”


End file.
